From the desk of The Irrational Library, Joshua calls out to you Haarlemtown. For the last 16 years he has been among you, seen you and has gotten to know you. And now from the depths of Haerlemse Bodem he will rise to meet you, Haarlemtown. To once a month share and deal with you a little slice of life here in Haarlemtown. A slice of life taken from our communal feast. One for all of us to be nourished upon as we go about our Haarlemtown days.
January 30th, 2017
Ok, I know what you will say right off the bat. That I am a jerk for not having written to you in a long time and that I am an asshole for walking out on you so many years ago. But hey, like any unsatisfying relationship, you just gotta go at a certain moment. You ‘Merica know the saying better than anyone “‘Merica, love it or leave it.” Well I guess I never really “loved” you. I still do have very warm feelings for parts of you, great memories of things we did during our time together but it just wasn’t enough for me to stay. I think we are both better off this way. Well at least I know I am. I hope you can be happy for me at least.
The reason that I am writing to you now somewhat out of the red white and blue, is well, to wish you some luck in the coming days ahead. Now just because I may not love you anymore, doesn’t mean that I don’t think about you now and again. Recently I have been thinking about you even more than usual. I must say it is hard not too. I mean your name and somewhat distorted face (too much botox?) is being flashed all over the place. Your internal hardships are at this moment, more then ever in my life time, frontpage news around the world. I mean, what’s going on with you ‘Merica?
I am amazed at how you have been holding it together for so long. It must all be so exhausting. All that shit you put up with, damn girl I feel a bit sorry for you. I do have to say though that part of me feels that you are responsible for your own mess. Seems to me that all of the nastiness you have been suppressing have risen to the surface once again. These sort of issues can never be kept bubbled up inside of anyone for too long. Eventually something will happen and cause it all to just burst out. I really think you need to get some professional help (that is if your insurance will cover it). Please be wary of any prescription drugs that any shrink may try to prescribe for you. I have heard that you and a number of your “friends” are having issue with that chemical shit. You know I’d rather see you a bit edgy then zombified. Well, that being said, I just wanted you to know that I do feel for you. It’s weird that we haven’t really talked for so long, don’t you think. There was time when we were pretty close. Remember the road trip I took across you? You were a great host and you kept me safe. If I never thanked you for that, please allow me to now. I got the feeling that you were a bit upset when I finally decided to leave and not come back for good, weren’t you. It felt like everytime I came home to visit my folks during a vacation, I was meet by some sort of weird animosity when I walked through the door. You would just look at me like, “oh look who it is now, Mr. European. Well is it better over there in Europe? Well welcome home then, Mr. European snob.”
Whatever it was, maybe it was just me. I have changed. Maybe I am feeling a little guilty about some things, but that is all the past. But like I said earlier, I just wanted to wish you good luck with everything coming up. I heard via via that the people you used to hang with are having a hard time getting along with one another nowadays. That normal discourse has become overly strained by disagreement. It is a shame to hear this. I can remember so many conversations I had hanging out with you where I thought, “oh man this guy or girl we are talking to in this bar or that place was so completely wacked out and full of shit.” But we used to listen anyway to one another and then politely part ways. Did it matter what was said behind their backs. Not really. Ok it wasn’t always nice but, it was better than screaming in one anothers faces, right? Honesty is a double edged jagged sword. Maybe our lives were simpler back then (isn’t that what everyone always say). Maybe we all had more in common because we shared more common things. That we were less caught up in our own bookmarked and “favorite page” modern ways. Maybe it was better when we knew less about one another and could only wonder how the other lived. Or maybe that was the problem. I am not sure, it all seems a bit silly though. I mean, I am not trying to down play what is happening with you right now, it is some serious shit you are going through ‘Merica but whatever happened to the schoolyard basics of fair play, be a good loser and a gracious winner? I mean these were the ethos you drilled into us as kids. I wonder what changed you, do the same rules no longer apply? Ah well, we all change, right? That’s life I guess. Some change for the better while others for worse. The question now seems to be, whose judgement is better and whose is worse, for you. I hope you will find your better sometime soon.
Sorry if this is a bit of a rambling letter. It has been a long while since we spoke and I had so much on my mind that I wanted to say before I sat down to write this. I hope I got some of it out and across to you. That you understand what I am saying to you. I truly do hope that you will find your way in all of this current mess. I guess a bit of patience and perseverance will help. I wish for you both. Hey, don’t let the bastards get you down either. The bastards come and they go. They always have. You know this better than anyone else that I could imagine. I’ll be thinking about you often in the coming weeks. I am not a praying type of guy but I will ask the universe to give you a helping hand when I speak to it. And if you ever need a break, a time out, a place to get away to, let me know. Our couch is pretty comfortable and Holland is at this moment, still pretty ok.
Take it easy, ‘Merica.